Build up the body of Christ. Support the Pentecost Offering.

Naming and taming the elephant in the room

Chris Pomfret leads workshop on aging wisely and older adulthood

Chris Pomfret engages with attendees following his workshop. (Photo by Emily Enders Odom)

Chris Pomfret engages with attendees following his workshop

December 7, 2016

There was at least one elephant in the room at Chris Pomfret’s workshop at the 2016 ARMSS/POAMN conference.

But an elephant could scarcely have fit into the packed meeting space, which nearly exceeded the room’s seating capacity with conference-goers eager to engage the workshop’s theme, “Making Our Third Thirty a Great Thirty: How to Make the Difficult Decisions.”

The elephant in the room—later named by one workshop participant as the fear of contracting Alzheimer’s disease or dementia—was voiced as part of an interactive discussion led by Pomfret on what adults fear the most as they get older, and, related to that, what can be done to allay those fears.

Pomfret’s was one of over 20 workshops offered at this national event co-sponsored by the Association of Retired Ministers, Their Spouses or Survivors (ARMSS) and the Presbyterian Older Adult Ministries Network (POAMN). Titled Christian Discipleship: People of the Spirit, People of Hope, the annual conference was held in October in Richmond, Va.

In a continuation of the topic he first explored at the 2015 ARMSS/POAMN conference in Albuquerque, N.M., Pomfret, an aerospace engineer and a ruling elder at Bath Presbyterian Church in Dayton, Ohio, said his own difficulties watching his parents decline in their last years gave him a calling to help people deal with “aging wisely” in their “Third Thirty” (age 60-90), what he called the last third of life.

“I want you to take away some inspiring thoughts to help you reflect on your own situation and how you are prepared for the ultimate end when you leave this earth,” said Pomfret in introducing his interactive workshop, designed, in part, to help people get beyond their denial of the inevitable.

Pomfret began his presentation by reviewing the life cycle, noting the similarities between the first and the last 30 years of life. “We have adult diapers now, and grumpy old men,” he said, tongue in cheek. “I’m 61.”

As the group’s candid exploration continued, Pomfret posed a series of questions and discussion starters, beginning with, “What is the singular most important thing you need to do for your ‘Third Thirty’ but have not yet done? Why not?”

Attendees’ responses included downsizing, writing one’s own obituary, updating one’s will, and addressing life’s purpose in the last third of life.

 “When you work, you have a community,” said the Rev. S. Miriam Dunson, who attended the conference from Commerce, Ga. “When you retire, you don’t have them anymore, so building a support group around yourself—you to them, them to you— is very important in that third thirty.”

During the second discussion starter, among the fears named by the group were becoming disabled, experiencing loneliness—especially the loss of a spouse—safety concerns, entering a nursing home, lack of independence, and the deterioration of one’s mental faculties as a result of Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Pomfret then offered some basic solutions to help minimize those fears. “Simplistically, when you age you have three choices,” he said. “You can stay in your own home, live with a loved one, or move into a continuing care community. Not thinking about what you’re going to do is not doing the right thing.”

He also suggested that there are “beacons of hope” associated with each of the fears, such as the ever-improving quality of retirement communities.

Borrowing from the wisdom of the Rev. Billy Graham in his book, Nearing Home: Life, Faith, and Finishing Well, Pomfret also offered some perspectives to keep in mind, including one emphasizing spiritual life and growth.

“Don’t resent growing old—many are denied the privilege,” read one statement. “We have the blessing of a full life with more to come.”

Pomfret ended his workshop with a list of “homework for the weeks ahead,” most notably the recommendation that attendees talk about starting a Third Thirty group in their home congregations, for which he offered to provide a model and support materials.

“He really means that,” said one enthusiastic participant following the workshop. “I gave him my email and he’s sending us his presentation. It was great.”

Emily Enders Odom, Mission Communications Strategist, Presbyterian Mission Agency

Today’s Focus:  Presbyterian Older Adult Ministries Network

Let us join in prayer for:

Bath Presbyterian Church Staff

Emily, Pastor
Larry B.. Financial/Admin Committee Elder
Judy M. ,  Media Committee Elder
Susan L., Fellowship Elder
Judy M., Christian Education Elder
Mabel G., Worship Elder
Verna D. , Mission/Outreach Elder
Jeff W., Property Elder

PC(USA) Agencies’ Staff

Erika Lundbom, PPC                                                                    
Janeen Lush, PMA      

Let us pray

Loving God, we remember we are part of your family. We are blessed in many ways. You call us to share our love with others, and so we continue to spread the good news that you are with us forever. Amen.

Daily Lectionary

Morning Psalms 50; 147:1-11
First Reading Isaiah 6:1-13
Second Reading 2 Thessalonians 1:1-12
Gospel Reading John 7:53-8:11
Evening Psalms 53; 17

Creative_Commons-BYNCNDYou may freely reuse and distribute this article in its entirety for non-commercial purposes in any medium. Please include author attribution, photography credits, and a link to the original article. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDeratives 4.0 International License.

  • Subscribe to the PC(USA) News

  • Interested in receiving either of the PC(USA) newsletters in your inbox?

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.